Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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