Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
