is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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