May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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