I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
