I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
