i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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