I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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