Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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