She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
