no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
