Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
