Do you still have your period?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
