there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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