I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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