Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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