I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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