and i looked up. we had an audience...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
