Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
