i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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