you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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