are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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