Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
