my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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