that's an acceptable place to lick
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
