She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
