drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
