jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
