i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize