the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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