Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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