tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
