my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
COCAINE IS GR8
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
