I cockslap morals
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
