My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
