I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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