Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
