one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
