I need help removing her.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
