i think my tv is drunk
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
