There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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