I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
