Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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