There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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