let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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