yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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