Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
