So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize