That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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