I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize