i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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