i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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