I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
