Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
this is an emotional support booty call
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
