Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
