Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
