so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
