no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
