Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
