i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize