remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
