my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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