let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
