Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
