And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
