She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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