You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
