ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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