Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
