Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
