dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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