Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
