Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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