i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
