Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
