It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
