I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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