had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
