Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
