honey bunches of taint.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
