I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he told me I talked like a deaf person
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
